There I was—eyes puffy, a headache brewing, staring down at a half-eaten plate of side dishes. At family gatherings, I inevitably slip back into the role of the family’s “kid”—the youngest at the table, dodging questions as the object of Generation Curiosity.
I had hoped this year would be different, but somehow, it always plays out the same.
A warm kitchen, football buzzing in the background, a table overflowing with food, and everyone taking turns to say what they’re thankful for—classic Thanksgiving.
But once everyone sits down, the sharks start circling. Nosey cousins ask questions like, “How’s school going?” or “What was your Instagram caption about?”
The sharks get closer and closer with, “What do you plan to do with that major?” or “Have you talked to [insert ex’s name]?”
Judging aunts and uncles wait for you to answer, listening closely, hoping you’ll slip up.
When you do, the sharks attack. Everyone in the room suddenly becomes an expert, offering their unsolicited opinions.
The impact these moments have on the holiday is substantial, and it is not just me.
“I hate when they ask me if I have a boyfriend,” said Emily Ammon, a junior at Neumann University.
“I personally hate questions about school because I’m on a break. Why can’t you ask me anything else?” said Devin Tamberella, a Communication and Digital Media major at Neumann.
Many young adults are fed up with questions that either make their faces flush hot or their eyes roll to the back of their head.
As a result, they choose to have a Thanksgiving dinner with friends so they can celebrate the holiday in peace—a tradition dubbed “Friendsgiving.” This way, they can enjoy the holiday without the stress of prying questions that often come from family members who may not even realize they’re stirring the pot.
“It’s frustrating because you know it’s usually coming from a good place, but personally, I’d rather not be airing out the details of my life over pie to people who I wouldn’t typically share day-to-day stuff with,” said Nancy Davidson, a James Madison University student who has participated in Friendsgiving before.
While Friendsgiving is a great alternative, most people just hold this event in addition to seeing their families on the actual holiday.
If you are seeing your family this Thanksgiving, here is a survival guide to get you through the day.
1. Prepare Short Answers Beforehand
Think of the typical questions you get asked and decide what you want to talk about and what you should not talk about. Keep it general to avoid further questions.
2. Deflect with Grace
If the topic of conversation is politics, family drama, or anything else that should not be brought up, steer the conversation in a new direction. Bring up a viral cat video or crack a joke, a little humor can go a long way in changing the subject smoothly.
3. Have Questions Ready
Take control of the conversation by having a few light-hearted questions to ask people. This will also help with deflecting.
4. Set Boundaries (Politely)
Some family members may try to circle back to some topic you already deflected. Do not feel uncomfortable shutting them down. You have every right to say “I’d rather not get into that right now, but thanks for asking.”
5. Take a Break
If things get overwhelming, step into another room or even outside. Leave something in your car so you have something to go get or just say you need some fresh air. To avoid someone tagging along, say someone needs to call you.
6. FINAL TIP: Gratitude Goes a Long Way
This holiday is all about being Thankful. Try not to ruminate on the awkward moments and instead focus on the little things you are grateful for. Whether it’s a slice of pie or a family joke, take a breath and enjoy it.
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect or stress-free to be enjoyable. Whether with family, friends, or a mix of both, focus on the moments that bring you joy.
